It's no surprise to me, I am my own worst enemy

If there is one area of my life that I am really picky about and strive for perfection in, it is my professional side. I will say, with confidence, that I am a damn good employee. I will work extra hours, I will take on extra responsibilities, I pride myself on doing a good job.

I am also extremely critical of myself when I make a mistake. I know we are all human and no one is perfect, we all make errors. I get that. Unfortunately, I am so aware of the mistakes that I make that I get overly uptight over it.

I made one of those mistakes this week. I didn't know that I had to make a change in the system and a payment went out that shouldn't have. The big boss is not happy, my manager told me he will have to give me the lecture and they do understand that I am still new to the job, but the lecture will be coming anyway. *sighs* I told him that it didn't matter what he had to say, I can guarantee that I kicked myself harder than he could ever imagine. I didn't sleep Monday night, in fact. It plagued my mind.

I don't know how to accept the "you're only human" excuse. While no, I didn't know about the change I had to make to stop the payment as I wasn't trained about it, I still own up to the mistake and it is not easy to handle.

Vacation tomorrow cannot come fast enough!!